[he just lets himself be pushed over, way too tired to even try and object. it makes his heart sink, feeling like matt is literally and figuratively pushing him away.]
Just-- stay here. [his voice cracks because uhhhh he had to get home without having a freak out in the middle of the street it was hard.] Please.
[ Matt stays exactly where he is, just keeping his head down and nervously fidgeting with his fingers. Fuck, he's back here again. The guy he loves is suffering and he doesn't know what to do about it.
... but eventually he does know he wants to be closer to Archie. He doesn't realize he's doing it until he's done, but slowly he leans over until he's all but sandwiching Archie between him and the armrest. close boys. ]
archie lets it happen, of course, shifting so he's face to... chest with matt. he manages to stay quiet for all of five seconds before he just fucking. loses it. he grips matt's shoulder entirely too hard, slow, quiet crying slowly becomes hysterical sobbing. it gets so bad that after about a minute he's pretty much just straight up screaming into matt's shoulder; agonized and terrified.]
[ fuck, okay. he knew this was coming. he thought it was gonna come for a while now, actually. so much of their relationship has been matt dancing around his own feelings and archie trying to be accommodating of them, so being here for him like this feels overdue. he wants to ask what happened to start all this, but for now, he just wraps one arm around the small of archie's back and the other he buries in archie's hair, holding him as close as possible. his body's shaking, a little, with nerves and an impressionable sort of fear, but he's just quietly making comforting noises into his ear, promising archie that everything's okay and that he's here to keep him safe. ]
[it takes him a while to calm down again. his face is buried in matt's shoulder and while matt holding him properly helps, his mind is unhelpfully replaying what happened to maxie over and over. the crunching, the blood, the hellish look in kyogre's eyes... hell, it's a miracle archie doesn't just straight up throw up on matt.
eventually, he calms down, mostly because the shrieking has given him a headache, cool. no doubt the room being flooded (ha) with silence is better than what was going on before.]
I don't... I don't know what to do anymore.
[said quietly, with the same sincerity that he'd earlier told matt he loves him with.]
[ no, wait, that's not the right way to handle this. Matt's voice is a little more like gravel than it normally is, like his words are scraping against their throat, resisting being formed. he smooths hair away from Archie's forehead, feeling the clamminess of his skin and the cold sweat he's worked up. matt wonders if he would feel better in the water, sitting at the bottom of the river and sitting with him in the peaceful silence. he doesn't suggest it. ]
Why're you feelin' like this? What's happened, man? I don't-- I don't wanna make you feel guilty, but I've been worried as shit, and now you're all... like this...
[he's shaking. he's shaking like he's sitting on a very buff ice cube. if he says it out loud, it just confirms it was real, possibly even moreso than him staring at maxie's detatched arm as the colour slowly drained from it as the blood spread across the floor. like those brief moments he was still alive on groudon's stalagmite, or when odin pushed him away - or so he thinks - into the horde of zombies.
he closes his eyes, feeling his head swim, unsure if that's his exhaustion or just the pressure of it all.]
G--guy with powers. ImPort. Bad. [stringing more than a few words together feels like an impossibility at the moment, like the thoughts are dying before they even make it to his mouth.] He made a Kyogre and a Groudon and taunted me and Max when they...
[he drops his head back onto matt's shoulder.]
Maxie died.
[...and came back, and archie knows he came back, but god.]
[ Matt feels like his lungs have become frail, ugly things, the breath sucked out of him so suddenly that he barely feels able to breathe. even the mention of kyogre's name, when Archie is shaking and broken and barely able to speak, just puts him back in that storm watching the world fall to pieces. archie isn't the only one to have wondered what might have happened if kyogre hadn't gone primal, but - if even an illusion can fuck with archie's head this much, the real thing, in whatever form, would have been doubly as powerful, right?
matt's struggling to deal with this like a good boyfriend should - quiet, supportive, not just leaping to his feet and fucking screaming and running off to find this import and beat him to a god damn pulp. it takes all his effort to absorb what happened to maxie, and he doesn't have it in him to pretend to care. not when-- not when something could have-- ]
Are you-- what...
[ he can't even ask it, the question of how archie left the room. he just puts his hand over archie's and squeezes it almost painfully tight, feeling frail and small despite his size. ]
[ matt bites his bottom lip. there's more he wants to ask - what wasn't real, exactly, what did Kyogre do to him - but he lets it go, for now, unwilling to drag the full truth out of archie when he's like this. he just wraps him against his side a little tighter, shutting his eyes and trying to measure his breathing. ]
I'm not-- saying this to be cold, but you being strong for me kinda fucked up our relationship back home. Not that-- wait. [ ugh, he's not saying this right, he doesn't want to sound like he's bringing up something so real about the two of them just to make the point. that would be toxic, he thinks, and he struggles through his stupid fuckin' head to find the right words. ]
I don't know what was goin' through your head, when-- the meteor. You didn't talk to me, about what you were feeling, or about what I was doing, or about what we'd just been through, or-- anything. Maybe that was 'cause you were grieving or because you were tryin' not to look weak in front of me or whatever, but it fucked me up, you not talking to me. And, like. I assumed the worst. That you hated me, that you wished you'd never met me, all kindsa shit. And that's not-- who we are any more. It ain't who we gotta be, you know? Part of us being in a proper relationship means you've gotta talk to me about shit like this, bro. I don't want you to try and be strong, I just want you to try and be honest. You're strong as hell without even trying, but being honest? Man, that's something you've gotta work on. And I'm--
I ain't criticizing, I'm just. Sayin' that I'm here. You ain't alone anymore. You can be tired as much as you want. I'll carry you. When I'm tired, you can carry me. Yeah? We gotta be equal.
[he closes his eyes, nodding. he understands. maybe he's not taking it all in right now, but if matt says anything to him, archie's gonna listen more than he'd listen to anyone else.
archie can't keep up the act anymore, anyway.]
I--I get you. Sorry, I can't... think straight right now, but I get you.
[he wants to say more, thank matt, but maybe... maybe matt'll get that he can't do that right now.]
I'll tell you more later, okay? I just gotta-- haven't slept in three goddamn days.
[ Matt shuts his eyes, counts to three, breathes a little slower. it's hard to see archie like this. ]
Y-Yeah, bro, I feel ya. [ he mulls over whether or not this is the right thing to say, or not, but he's Matt, so it spills out of him anyway. ]
M'gonna carry you up to bed and tuck you in and get you a drink and then I'm gonna lay in there with you and stay awake in case you wake up and need me but even if you don't you can sleep next to me and I'll keep you warm and safe and-- and stuff. Okay?
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Just-- stay here. [his voice cracks because uhhhh he had to get home without having a freak out in the middle of the street it was hard.] Please.
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[ Matt stays exactly where he is, just keeping his head down and nervously fidgeting with his fingers. Fuck, he's back here again. The guy he loves is suffering and he doesn't know what to do about it.
... but eventually he does know he wants to be closer to Archie. He doesn't realize he's doing it until he's done, but slowly he leans over until he's all but sandwiching Archie between him and the armrest. close boys. ]
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archie lets it happen, of course, shifting so he's face to... chest with matt. he manages to stay quiet for all of five seconds before he just fucking. loses it. he grips matt's shoulder entirely too hard, slow, quiet crying slowly becomes hysterical sobbing. it gets so bad that after about a minute he's pretty much just straight up screaming into matt's shoulder; agonized and terrified.]
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eventually, he calms down, mostly because the shrieking has given him a headache, cool. no doubt the room being flooded (ha) with silence is better than what was going on before.]
I don't... I don't know what to do anymore.
[said quietly, with the same sincerity that he'd earlier told matt he loves him with.]
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[ no, wait, that's not the right way to handle this. Matt's voice is a little more like gravel than it normally is, like his words are scraping against their throat, resisting being formed. he smooths hair away from Archie's forehead, feeling the clamminess of his skin and the cold sweat he's worked up. matt wonders if he would feel better in the water, sitting at the bottom of the river and sitting with him in the peaceful silence. he doesn't suggest it. ]
Why're you feelin' like this? What's happened, man? I don't-- I don't wanna make you feel guilty, but I've been worried as shit, and now you're all... like this...
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he closes his eyes, feeling his head swim, unsure if that's his exhaustion or just the pressure of it all.]
G--guy with powers. ImPort. Bad. [stringing more than a few words together feels like an impossibility at the moment, like the thoughts are dying before they even make it to his mouth.] He made a Kyogre and a Groudon and taunted me and Max when they...
[he drops his head back onto matt's shoulder.]
Maxie died.
[...and came back, and archie knows he came back, but god.]
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matt's struggling to deal with this like a good boyfriend should - quiet, supportive, not just leaping to his feet and fucking screaming and running off to find this import and beat him to a god damn pulp. it takes all his effort to absorb what happened to maxie, and he doesn't have it in him to pretend to care. not when-- not when something could have-- ]
Are you-- what...
[ he can't even ask it, the question of how archie left the room. he just puts his hand over archie's and squeezes it almost painfully tight, feeling frail and small despite his size. ]
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[said for himself just as much as matt. he's still shivering madly, feeling more and more nauseous as time goes on.]
I mean... Maxie dying was real, b-but he came back because of the imPort's power. I did too. So did Magnus.
[he peters out, unable to continue. unable to think of what happened anymore. archie buries his face into matt's shoulder.]
I-I gotta be strong for you. For other people but I can't. I can't do this anymore. I'm so tired.
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I'm not-- saying this to be cold, but you being strong for me kinda fucked up our relationship back home. Not that-- wait. [ ugh, he's not saying this right, he doesn't want to sound like he's bringing up something so real about the two of them just to make the point. that would be toxic, he thinks, and he struggles through his stupid fuckin' head to find the right words. ]
I don't know what was goin' through your head, when-- the meteor. You didn't talk to me, about what you were feeling, or about what I was doing, or about what we'd just been through, or-- anything. Maybe that was 'cause you were grieving or because you were tryin' not to look weak in front of me or whatever, but it fucked me up, you not talking to me. And, like. I assumed the worst. That you hated me, that you wished you'd never met me, all kindsa shit. And that's not-- who we are any more. It ain't who we gotta be, you know? Part of us being in a proper relationship means you've gotta talk to me about shit like this, bro. I don't want you to try and be strong, I just want you to try and be honest. You're strong as hell without even trying, but being honest? Man, that's something you've gotta work on. And I'm--
I ain't criticizing, I'm just. Sayin' that I'm here. You ain't alone anymore. You can be tired as much as you want. I'll carry you. When I'm tired, you can carry me. Yeah? We gotta be equal.
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archie can't keep up the act anymore, anyway.]
I--I get you. Sorry, I can't... think straight right now, but I get you.
[he wants to say more, thank matt, but maybe... maybe matt'll get that he can't do that right now.]
I'll tell you more later, okay? I just gotta-- haven't slept in three goddamn days.
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Y-Yeah, bro, I feel ya. [ he mulls over whether or not this is the right thing to say, or not, but he's Matt, so it spills out of him anyway. ]
M'gonna carry you up to bed and tuck you in and get you a drink and then I'm gonna lay in there with you and stay awake in case you wake up and need me but even if you don't you can sleep next to me and I'll keep you warm and safe and-- and stuff. Okay?
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Brodyguard.